It's 20:39 pm and I'm still trying to realize what is going on since a few days. I came back from Saint Etienne yesterday, I need to be next to my family. I didn't want to stay alone in my apartment. The government told us to stay safe at home in order to stop the contamination of the virus. We are all surrounded by informations about the COVID-19 on social media, television, through our family from different countries. Everything is about COVID-19, lucky him. I'm not very organized, I'm still trying to figure out how to plan my schedule for the next weeks. I hate being confined.
I'm sitting on my brother's chair in front of his desk because he's not going to be at home for a few days and I can't visit him. I miss him. For now, I can't find the motivation to work, it feels like everything is on hold. Fortunately, I called some friends on facetime and we talked about all of this and I feel better. We have to consider you as a long break to take in order to get out stronger. Being at home is not that terrible. I will read, listen to my favorite music, think of how I will manage to stay at home with my parents for one month, or more.
It wasn't a very productive day but I needed that. I need silence and selfcontrol. I'm constantly asking myself how people can be so selfish. How they can rob the entire supermarket as if we were attacked by zombies. It's not the end of the world, we have to take care of each other by staying at home. Dear Quarantine, you're not that terrible. We have to accept you.
I started the video game "Outer Wilds", a game about space exploration and time
loops. Totally overwhelmed by this experience I continued the game during 2 days.
The lockdown starting at noon, I took advantage of my last moment to take a walk. The last days of my sunshine on my skin. On my skin, I cried all tears of my body. I arrived in time with my dear friend. Most of my day haven’t been really productive, based on series and films, until the time we prepared ourselves some waffles. Evening approches, night time arrrives. I close my eyes, I sleep.
Small market in the morning
Lunch : Pastas and sauce with mushrooms
Outside in the village with Alexis and Lea
Dinner : pastas
Movie : "Astérix et Obélix mission Cléopatre"
It is much more serious than I thought, now. Yesterday, I was in Saint-Etienne. I've received my new (second-handed because I don’t have much money) smartphone and the same evening, the president told that we are gonna start the quarantine. I really didn’t want to stay in my small studio alone, with nobody, I know that if I stay alone, I will end up by speaking with my walls (and they will respond). So this morning, I took probably the one of the last trains that I could take, without any special permission and came to my Lyon-house to spend this quarantine with my friends. I’m so glad that I got my new phone yesterday, it was a perfect timing. I have no idea how much days we will have to be locked up, but at least I have my phone. Now, we are preparing a working space in the living room, and I think we’re going to make a time table, not to lose our routine. Sofia told that we’ll find new things to improve ourselves through this time. But I just hope that the ending of this, won't be like "The Shining".
After a long reflexion, I've decided to stay in my appartement to have all my material to work but without Wi-Fi. It’s very difficult to take a very quick decision.This morning I washed all my apartment, did some storage and called my mother. After that, I ate with my boyfriend lentils with broccolis and orange. I read "La course en tête", and I decided to make more fun to built my attempted in the living room, to read inside and to have an another space in the space.At around 5pm, we decided to go outside to run and to try my « equipment » to wear ID cards and autorisation to go outside. We were surprised because there were a lot of people outside who walked or runned and they were no policemen or military guys. After our run, we just went back to the apartment and have rest. I called again my mother just before she goes to work in hospital. For the evening, we cooked a pie with tuna, carrots and salad in front of the movie "Karaté kid". Is was a weird day because I don’t really feel the confinement because everybody was outside, without differences from yesterday. I also have weird sensation about what happened because it’s new for everyone, that’s very hard to live normally, to be by your own. That’s very unknown. I really used to plan everything in my life, all is tidy, and organised. So it’s even more difficult to me to live day after day. One thing specially I want to do is to close everything, to stop social medias and to be more creative : just read, draw, write, work on myself, like a long meditation. I just want to take time and live with less as possible.
When I woke up, I felt tired and stressed. I listened to White Lies in the train, while going to Lyon. At first, I wanted to discover new musics, but then I wanted some comfort. Played game boy. Arrived in lyon, some tension. Almost took train back to Saint-Etienne, thirty minutes before the beginning of the quarantine. But then, I stayed. Sausage, chickpea, salad, carrot, radish. Watched "Westworld", watched "Devs". Worked on the poster. Call for grandmas, texted with friends. Worked on the embroidery. Read mails. Prepared chicken soup. While its cooking, we Watched "Homeland", while continuing the embroidery. Ate chicken soup. My sister called, she was angry, disappointed. A girl on Vinted wanted to do an exchange with me, she seemed in a hurry. But I think she wasn’t really aware that the packages will be stuck for a while, and it's not very cautious to send clothes now. Began an epiode of "Better Call Saul" but didn’t follow the story. I was focused on the embroidery.
I still did nothing special today because I can’t really work for now. I woke up a bit late, I did some stretches for my pack pain. I tried to work and learned my poem called « the wedding band » written by Forough Farrokshzad who is an iranian contemporary poet that I really appreciate. She’s telling about a girl who’s wondering about the secret of the wedding band. It’s really representative of the woman’s situation in Iran. These forced weddings are still existing, especially in countries like India or Africa. Then I watched some series and tried to rest a bit.
I’m telling myself that it’s not a big deal.
We’ve been here since Monday and I’m slowly starting to adapt to the situation.
I ﬂed the city in favor of the countryside, in Yzeures-sur-Creuse, where I reunited with my friends and family. We are staying in a big house, with enough room to respect each other’s personal space, in a very small and quiet town.This setting is very familiar as I have holidayed here regularly since I was a young child, so it feels more like a summer holiday rather than a conﬁnement
due to a pandemic.
Today we spend the majority of our time cleaning and sorting the house. We rearranged the furniture and tailored each room and outdoor space to our taste. As a lot of us are still working, we needed to create coworking spaces which could cater to our individual needs.
It was a gloriously sunny day so we decided to make the most of it and eat outside. We had already decided on a cooking rota and my friends on duty made a marvelous vegetable tart, accompanied with a green salad. The bar had been set high the night before as we all enjoyed a savory crumble for dinner, which
was delicious and unlike anything I had eaten before.
I don’t really have time to do everything I want as there are many things to get on with here ! I have created my own work space, in a large and light-ﬁlled room, which is so nice. I can hammer away at my plaster sculptures without irritating anyone, and I have two tables to work on. My mum’s best friend, Valerie, does upholstery and has a large atelier within the house, with lots of materials and tools to choose from. This is especially useful to me, as she has a lot of the tools
I use, and I was unable to bring all my material with me.
My dear friend,
I’m alone now. I feel like I’m on holidays. My lazy spirit takes over, by mistake. I bought a video game just before the confinement. I play all day and a part of the night. My eyes shut down, I'm falling sleep.
Pie with leeks and salad
Hike of 3 hours
Pastas and a sauce with tomatoes, chickpeas and kidney beans
I’m living my life ! I’m home, in the countryside, where there is not a lot of people.
So it’s pretty cool, I can work with my sister, then if I want, I can go for a run or ride my horses.
I was out few days ago because I was in town, which is stressful because you can be sick easily. And if i’m sick i can give it to my parents and it can be dangerous.
I think we are lucky yo live in the country during these kind days. For now, we don’t have problems with food, we eat our eggs (thanks to our wonderful chickens). My dad is going to town because he’s a vet, so he have to work. I think my dad is stress because if he doesn’t work, we don’t have money and then we will not be able to pay different things, including the pension for the horse… So, this is one of the had part, as we don’t know how it’s going to evolue, we don’t know what can happen next.
Anyway, for me it’s cool, I feel like i’m in holidays, and it’s a sunny day. And also, in our home, we don’t have the wi-fi (well we do, but it’s not working very well). So, with my sister we have to go to a neighbord by bike. We try to stay away from them, and we work in a place were there is no one, it’s cool. And i think after work, at the end of the day (around 5pm), we are going to ride horses. Yeaaaah, back in game after two months without riding !
6:38. I had a little nervous breakdown when i woke up. Had trouble to breathe. I was reassured by him, then tried to sleep a little bit more, after this strange night. When I opened the window, I realised that there is still the marketplace on the square. Wtf. Had eggs and ham, coffee. Took some vitamines. News from my sister. Went to LaPoste, impossible to go there. Went to Monoprix, there is a very uncomfortable atmosphere. People were angry at the employees, or when you’re trying to be polite, it is not successful : you can have glances, when you don’t wear a mask. It is very warm outside, and sunny. Had carrot/radish salad, chicken soup with pastas. ;Made some collages, recited my poem to him, at least tried to. Had a snack, bread ham and green tea. Did embroidery, watched him play to "Red dead redemption 2". I played to "Zelda : Ocarina of time". Had a glass of red wine ate spinach and ravioli. Recited the poem again, learned my two lines of the day. At 8pm, people applaused outside. Watched Kingdom while doing embroidery.
This morning I tried to work but apparently it was not easy. I feel like it’s Saturday and well, I didn’t work. Only Hyang succeeded to get to work. (I am not surprised she is the only one that could be,compared with Kant.) I did origami with Sofia, we made 5 little birds and we hanged them at the window. And we spent long time to cook because we didn’t have anything else to do anyway. We ate so well.
It was a pretty good day because I woke up and I saw the sun. It reminds me that I can still go out so I went rollerblading during the afternoon with a friend. We were separated by 2 meters. We talked a little bit and I feel really better. The first days are hard but it’s easier now. I’m also working on my project of 4th year and I want to work on playgrounds for children. I read some books about playgrounds all around the world. When I went rollerblading I took some pictures of my childhood playground where I always went when I was younger. It’s the biggest playground of Creteil.
I want to write some memories about it, but also some sensations and experiences with this playground.
Diner : Home tacos
Movie : Nausicaa et la vallée du vent
It feels like vacation. Working from home is hard ! Am I an organized person who can live a planedlockdown-life ? I don’t think so ! It’s been just two days that I was at home but I am already done with this. I never knew that the school can be missed.
I took Loonie walk outside. But it was more like Loonie took me walk. He already did his walk 3 times today because every human in the house wanted to go out. He was generous enough to walk that much.
He seemed very happy, actually.
It’s not easy to write every day. Yesterday I spent my morning and some of the afternoon hand crafting a gift for Zoe.
I had not bought her anything for her birthday so I improvised and made her some earring out of clay. I used some alginate to create a mould, in which I poured some plaster. The ﬁnal result was a white, thin, teardrop shaped earring that I carved abstract shapes into. I hope she’ll like it and I hope they are not too fragile as clay breaks easily. It’s 8:57. I’m panicked as I have a sore throat, and it is one of the symptoms of the virus. I have taken some medication so hopefully it will go away.
I just had an appointment with my spatial design teacher, Laurent. He helped me structure some ideas I have for the personal project needed for my diploma. Although I am still having trouble visualising a clear overview of the project, my ideas are starting to take shape. I chose ‘children’s playgrounds’ as the theme for my project. This idea came to me as I was doing some research on alternative education and pedagogic games for children. I was fascinated by the relationship children hold with space as it allows them to develop their dexterity and social skills. I have done a lot of research on the history of playgrounds. On one side, the designer / artist will produce abstract shapes which are open to interpretation. On the other hand, some designers have allowed children’s imagination to be at the core of the project, letting them come up with their own shapes. I’d like to ﬁnd a balance between these two ways of working.
Today is Zoe’s birthday. Eva has created a nice outdoor space by reorganising some old furniture and adding ﬂowers and garlands. This now festive space was used to enjoy some cocktails and play games before dinner which was nice because it felt like an actual birthday party, and not a last minute improvisation due to the current situation.
Waking up at 8 am, to start working. At 9 am class by visio confrence, we learn about Unity,a software for video games, all morning. The door bell rings, it’s the postman with a package. What is it ? Shoes and a book about hystery of Perce during very dark time. The lecture makes me forgot my works all day.
No regrets. Preparation of the dossier for my memory, beginning of the evening. It’s anoying but it has to be done.
My eyes are falling, I fall asleep.
Work on the famous master’s file, and the DNA text, in which i highlight the smell memory of my childhood : When my grandma made jams, she always brought out a big cooper pan, and i remember the smell of bubbling fruit every time i got to her house.
I started to work, I contacted Denis Coueignoux to see with him the layout of the DNA pdf's.
I coughed in my bed at 10:12
I looked at the wise men
I have not read I pulled up wood for the fire
I quickly ate my smoked salmon with beer markus
I went to bed with a CBD joint
I went out at 18 minutes in the day
Very had to wake up directly. Alchohol clean-up session. Had a shower, dressed-up. Had coffee, smoothie and toasts with butter and honey on it. 37,5°, temperature taken. It is sunny and cold, birds are singing, no car sound.
A bumblebee was stuck in the kitchen. I helped it to go away. Had programmation lesson, was kind of weird to see everyone on the screen, but also reassuring. Tried to present my work on a pdf for tommorrow. Had rice, salad, chickpeas, hard-boiled egg. My dad called, he was fine, happy to be in his garden. It is warmer than this morning. Did embroiedery, the sun was a bit agressive, like yesterday, It is nice to have it on my face, but gave me a headache. Watched devs, took news from friends.
My sister called, she is still working, must be difficult for her. Had a glass of red wine, he is prepararing ramen, I’m so excited ! I’m learning my lines of the day for the poem. Checking what I’ll have to do for tommorrow. 8Pm, people applause. Thinking of maybe playing to Zelda. Ate ramen, nothing new if you read the last lines.
I tried to be productive. It’s paradoxal because I slept until 11:30 am because sleeping makes time pass faster. Then I tried to read, to work on my projects such as my interest for playgrounds. Indeed I want to work on it because I’ve always worked on the notion of building sets for kids but also the practice of body in space. I want to associate these two notions in order to create my own vision of playgrounds. I also worked on the poem that I’ve chosen for english class.
It’s a satiric way to show that sometimes the princesses of our childhood are not who we thought. These princesses are stuck in a desillusion. The desillusion of wedding. As it’s written in the poem, sometimes the wedding band is « the ring of slavery and servitude ».
I'm still with the idea of memory, I brought out my old photo albums where there's all the photos of me as a baby. It was good to review these good memories from before : My younger mom, my little brother just born, easters, christmases, birthdays…Then as it was still sunny outside, we had a game of petanque on a battered ground, where the cars park. It was quite funny.
Had an appointment with Jean Claude Paillasson to see the pdfs, again, and talk about the DNA project.
Waking up at 10 am for to start working. Today it’s the finalization of my book. Oooooh the flatmate comes out of his den, he’s got an empty stomach ! Or ? he’s got nothing left to eat/feed himself ; Or...he’s got no food left in his lair. He decides to go for shopping and catch some air. He didn’t last as long as I did. I might get out tomorrow. It starts getting urgent to do some creative stuff. This end of the afternoon is the right moment for drawing and to get its projects done as much as possible. But I mustn’t forget to learn a poem by heart because on Monday I’ve got a check/an interrogation. It’s tiring to draw on the floor, my arms are falling. I fall asleep.
Up at 9:15 am
I had a big coffee
I just laid down
I just sat down
I’m just laying down
I walked inside the house
I just sat down
I have not read
I’ve trouble thinking at 3:01
Bedtime 01:05 am
Lunch : Potatoes, beetroots, corn and salad
Hike then beers
My day started with an appointment between our Graphic Design teacher, Vera and I, for a project we are working on together. Denis, our teacher, made it clear that we need to think outside the box in order to convey our ideas. We had originally planned on making mockups but as we can’t currently work on the project together physically, we have settled on creating collages to communicate our ideas. Our project is for the International Biennial of Design of Saint-Etienne, and the ﬁnal piece will ressemble a scaffolding and be interactive at the same time, housing different activities within it. The biennale is still a year away which makes it tricky to concretize our ideas.
It’s the first day of spring !!! Again a beautiful day to stay in the apartment so sad…Today and the others next days we decided to wake up early to have breakfast together before he goes to work. Today i’m going to do some sewing. We go to do sport juste near the apartment and some photography with the sunset !!! We come back and we do yoga session, call with our families and have meal. We began to have our daily routine to take marks and to adhere to our « new » confinement/quarantine life.
Had a nightmare, trouble to get up. Had ramen for breakfast, smoothie and coffee. Bath time it is ! With salt, eucalyptus and tea tree. Took pictures of the embroidery, finished pdf. Organised my works, there are to many, but this idea of diaries (personal or from designer’s point of view) is very interesting. Live chat with Anna, worked on RétroAction’s website, how to publish it, now that we cannot print ? 16:30, appointement for school, phonecall. Very happy to know hat we have a free access to the adobe suite, even if it won’t help me to go towards free softwares !
Today wasn’t easy. I was upset for no reason. You know that your day is going to be hard when you’re not in the good mood from the beginning of the day. Sometimes I just need to do nothing, or medidate, or laugh in front of a silly movie. My family situation isn’t easy these times neither, so it’s not helping. This first week of confinement is really hard, specially for those who live in a little appartment. We need to focus on positive things, such as doing some sport at home, calling friends, knowing that people are in the same situation is comforting.
Today we decided to do an original day. Indeed we want to reverse meals : to have diner the morning and breakfast for the night. So tonight it will be pancakes !!! At 10am we have session sport online. After sport we had brunch (avocado, cheese, black bread, eggs, salad) we went for a little walk around the apartment juste to have some fresh air. The next hours, we both read, talk, some musics, we write in our journey that with have in common. At around 7pm we did relaxation, meditation during 15/20 minutes. And we prepare the dinner so the breakfast pancakes!! We try each days to have a routine but to have one element different it can be activities our recipes our movie… to make the day more exciting.
Spoke with my father and my mother during the weekend for returning in the South (my mother in Toulouse and my father in Tarbes). I'm think I'm gonna stay in Saint-Etienne to study for now.
I decided not to go on social networks like Facebook, Twitter.. for the time of quarantine, because I find that we receive too much informations, and especially fake informations. It seems good to give up a little bit, to focus on myself and on my work.
Wake up at 10:30, we start the little drawings of the day. But today is BBQ, I know we’re not allowed to stay locked up for five days, it makes me a little crazy. So I haven’t been too productive for three hours... shame on me but without regret. I’d be remiss when I caught the coronavirus. Besides, I just found out that a relative of the family caught him... the meatball.Since I’m a little slow I still haven’t finished my book... My mother corrects the mistakes... I took my father’s side for the spelling I believe. I finally found the poem I will recite. In the idea I want to rap him while I’m a bad singer and I don’t have the sense of rhythm. I’m gonna make a fool of myself... However for the object I admit that I will do something a bit lame, it bothers me. I fall from the top. I sleep
Awake at 9h10
I went back to sleep
I bought some tobacco
I drank an 8.6
I called Stephane Lemercier at 4:40
I fell asleep at 11:52
First Saturday during the quarantine! There is no more difference between the weekends and the week days but still it is weekend.
My parents started worrying about this situation and called me but actually I’m very optimistic with all of this. I’m getting to work slowly and it is not that bad.
I’m really sad that I have to abandon most of my big project for the moment, but I could do that when I go back to school and I’m trying to make new projects with what I have now.
Anyway, like it’s weekend we wanted eat something special, Sofia became chef of the day. I was not helpful because I took a very long nap during the preparation.
We ate zucchinis filled with beef and tomato. It was excellent.
Had a weird night. Watched the end of season two of True Detective, as I fell asleep on it yesterday. Had a vitamine cocktail (propolis, spirulina…). I tried yoga also, but it is not a good idea when you’re not fully awake. We hear birds again, but the smell of smoke is very unpleasant. Had a big breakfast, late in the morning (spinach, eggs, ham, toasts..). I worked on the embroidery, was kind of sad, so I stopped and took a bath, to think and relax. I tried to motivate myself and finished the embroidery, even if it’s not finished. No more cotton… and I failed the space between words, so I am frustrated ! Tried to calm down, had a little rest while enjoying the sun on my face, little warm air in the room. The window was open. Played Tetris, ate pudding. Made more space in my harddrive, because it’s beginning to be very full… Had ramen, again. We watched GLOW. I already watched the first season, but I don’t remember it at all so… Let’s beginning again, shall we ? This is the kind of « empowerment » tv show I wanted to watch, in these times…
Work work work
Dinner : Leeks, carrots, mushrooms and rice
Harry Potter 1
"Monday I had friday on my mind"
First weekend of conﬁnement. It doesn’t really feel like the weekend, even though most of us stopped working, Zoe and I still have some work to do.
Why everything seems so hard to achieve ? Where can we found motivation ? What is the secret of life ? These are some of the questions that are turning constantly in my head. I know it sounds silly but today I appreciate staying at home.
I appreciate my coffee in the late morning, I thanked my mum to always cook my favorite iranian dishes. It’s always so good. I listened to music without lyrics in order to focus on my work in a good mood. It helped me to not touch my phone during a few hours. We don’t always need the amount of informations, they end up stucked in our heads. It’s necessary to find time for ourselves. Today, I found time for myself and it felt comforting. I really hope this second week will be easier than this one. I’ll try my best to focuse on the good things.
Wish me good luck.
Woke up early, naturally. Checked news on Twitter, refinery29. I’m lazy in my bed. Made vitamin cocktail, and had a coffee. We watched GLOW.
Had ramen, and pork. Took a bath and had a little rest. Schedule time ! Worked a little, tried paged.js. Considered buying a new hard drive.
Had news from my sister. Tetris time, wrote a little for the book club. Learned poem, worked again till 7:30pm (dairies, DNA).
Read poem again. Ate lasagnas.
We watched GLOW, season 1 finished !
I got up at 8:45
I went back to bed at 9:00 after breakfast
I sort my computer
I learned a bit of the poem
I listened to techno case. Riccarado Benassi
I watched Breaking bad with my parents
I’ve been thinking about luck
I lost at chess at 6:43
I was at 11:33
Dinner : Pastas and a sauce with mushrooms
beers in the village
Movie : Disco
One week ago, I was in my parents' house, and we achieved with my boyfriend our most longer distance in run.
We went from my parent’s home to my grand parent’s home, a little challenge from Chambery to Barby, and we did 18 kilometers.
We were very proud but two days after we learn about the quarantine, we had as goal to do a half marathon on the same week.
But it will be for an another time.
At the beginning of the afternoon, we cooked a banana bread with chocolate. After Cebastien made me recite my english poem. And we play at a game pictionary but with modeling paste. At around 5 pm, I did some sewing until 6:45pm, and after I had a call with Niki and Lucia to keep contact and to motivate together !! I really miss them ! At 7:30, I come back to sewing until 8pm, to clap at the window to thanks all people who works at hospitals. Then we do relaxation as every day night, our new passion because it makes us more relaxed, we fell empty like if all the bad energies disappears in the air. We watch the movie « In her shoes » because there is a scene where the actress recite the poem I learnt. At the beginning, I wanted watch a another movie about the life of Elisabeth Bishop « Reaching for the moon » but I didn’t find it… Unfortunately, too bad.
Today no alarm clock. It’s my birthday. I decided to hang out all day. I shouldn’t say it, but the nice people who calls you all day long to wish you a happy birthday; it’s cool but let me play Fifa...
At around 6pm I join my roommate in his room, to change of game. Then he makes me a cake. Then we get drunk...
The little police visit at midnight calmed us.
I stagger. I fall asleep.
When I woke up I saw the sunny sky and I really wanted to go out. Then I was too lazy to do it. We had the english class at 2pm to 4pm, it was cool to see all of my classmates, how they’re doing and how they’re living this situation. Nobody seemed sad, sick or alone. We talked about many things, Sophie talked about her family who’s living in the united states and I feel lucky to be next to my parents. The hardest part is to wake up and live the same day constantly. However we have to find the motivation, we have to find some activities to fill the emptyness of our days. Sometimes we just don’t want. Our body and mind say no. It’s still difficult to work, because of the stressful environment.
It’s the day of the recite poem.
Before english lesson, we cooked for the snack some banana snickers, a banana cut in for pieces some nut butter, somes peanuts and the all covered by black chocolate. It was nice to have some news from everyone to see that everyone live the same experience. I read the rest of the afternoon, at 6:30 i called my friends by cameras. And a 7:20pm we did some sports at home we had dinner (sweet potatoes, eggs squash gratin of my grand mother) then some meditation and finish a movie before go to bed "Les aventures extraordinaire d’Adèle Blanc-Sec".
Difficult to wake up...A little hangover, nothing bad but it was a very very unproductive day...Oh no !
I had a phone appointment with a teacher. Then English class. The problem is that I spent on my sofa during the English class. The problem with this sofa is so comfortable ! When I sit on it, I can no longer move. So I watched a tv show, "Watchmen", really not bad, I advise you.
It’s getting late. I fall asleep.
New week, I'm trying to make a schedule and follow it.
Walk in the village
Dinner : Samosas
Star Wars 4
Rose at 8:45 am
I almost won chess at 7:13
I took pictures in the deserted streets with a carpet
I took it easy
I slept at 11:43
I was awaken by the neighbour’s baby. Had coffee. Decided to buy a hardware, finally. Did go to the groceries, weird moment. Felt tired.
My boyfriend left to join his mother, she had a nervous breakdown. I felt alone in this quiet flat, for one hour. 2pm, English lesson.
It was reassuring to see familiar faces. My poem wasn’t that bad, glad that some people enjoyed it. After class, I had a « beauty » moment, put clay mask on my face, twice.
Green clay and then pink clay.
Had a snack, tea, toasts with butter and honey. Worked on the DNA test, printed it, rewrite it again. Organised a little my notes. Continue my designer’s journal, like little updates, everyday. I don’t feel like I will continue it…Cooked miso soup, and ravioli with cheese. My boyfriend called, seemd calmer than earlier, less stressed and worried.
Played Tetris and watched Westworld.
Things haven’t really changed here. I’m sitting on a bench in front of the swampy path where I loved watching frogs and water lilies. We can’t really walk on this path now, it’s submerged by the lake. It’s so good to go outside and feel the fresh air. Just to feel the sun on my skin, enjoying silence in this huge space. The city has never been so silent. Some people are running, some are just sitting on a bench like me to enjoy the sun. It’s good for our mental health. It’s 6pm and the sun begins to set. Thousand of gnats are flying above me. I’m glad to see this place as it used to be ten years ago when I was just a kid. So much green space, it feels comforting to be here today, under the sun who kisses my skin. Sometimes, simple things are the best to spend a great day. We don’t need much. I also went to see my childhood’s playground, it was pretty weird to see this place empty where it’s usually full of kids playing all over the place. We can hear them cry, laugh, or just complaining about the fact that they don’t want to go home. I remember all my favorite games, they are so familiar to me. I took some pictures, and I really wanted to see those kids playing but for now I just can count on my memories.
I had my first panic attack during the quarantine this evening. I’m out of my alprazolam. I left most of it at my home in Saint Etienne. Silly silly me! However, it finished well (if it is possible to say a panic attack could end up well). Just one of my friends who never seen my episode was little surprised. I’m okay, I knew it could be happened in any moment. After a long shower and a night walk my life seems better !
This morning i almost finish my book, i rade on my window with the sun and a cup of tea.Nothing very special today, it wasn’t the best interesting day. I did some sport during the afternoon and some dance to expel bad waves. I also spoke a lot with my friends and my family, i think that’s very important to share and it help me to keep moral.
I contact my professors at the college for the organization of the rest of the year.
quiet awakening. Taff all day with little bullshit here and there and phone appointments. One week my spirit lives solitude well as it should be. But it lacks evening. After making a good meal, I sleep.
The drugs are heavy.
I woke up 9:15.
I sent an e-mail.
I took a Valium.
I got another Valium.
I slept well last night.
Work at the sun
Dinner : Potatoes
Star Wars 5
Had a strange night. It is my grandpa’s birtday today. I was lazy this morning, stayed at bed till 9:45am. Had eggs, miso soup and coffee for breakfast. Had a bath. My boyfriend came back sooner than expected ! I called my family, to wish my grandpa a happy birthday. He’s not very chatty but makes jokes anyway. 12am, rendez-vous. Had pastas, parmesan. 2Pm, I was invited to a google meet with the 4th years, till 5pm. Played Tetris, with a bit of sun on my face. Glass of red wine. Made gnocchi with mushrooms and cream. We watched GLOW.
I can’t believe my eyes. My name on this list. Black on white. I stayed 10 minutes in front of my computer wondering if this is real. I have the possibility to integrate this school for my 4th year, 3 years after my first try. I’ve been until the oral but I failed. I want so bad to succeed this time. Sometimes, it’s really hard to have self-confidence, especially when your parents don’t understand the purpose of your life and studies. My parents are always stressed about my future but I’m not listening to them anymore. Their voice is not as important as it was like 5 years ago when I was at high school, completely lost.
This time, I’m believing in myself, I have to. I’m going to work hard for this.
I got up at 9:15
Studio course 11h
Bags of rubble
See you at 8.12 pm
It’s 8 of the morning. Had toasts. It was a very productive day, like having three video calls in a day with teacher,
Elena and Anna. Had a little apero with Elena and Anna after this work day. The frying pan grilled, the smell is all over the flat.
We watched GLOW.
It was the day when we raised the tent in the living-room. A space in the space.
With my friends, during a big part of the day, we play and we talk.
I started a smartphone game, ‘Animal crossing pocket camp’ few days ago, and it became my daily routine to play it.
The nostalgia when I play this game is so huge, that I almost purchased the new Nintendo switch to play a recent version.
God save my wallet.
I wake up.
My room is dark.
I open my shutters
keeping the light out.
The darkness is pierced by Sunrays.
They split the room
I’m sitting in the light.
A morning routine
I like it.
I open the window.
A cool breeze on my face, on my body, still dressed in my pajamas.
The light breeze meets the warm light.
I lay down on the fluffy carpet, eyes closed.
Is that how it feels to be outside ?
Whether the carpet would be the grass,
Whether the walls did not exist.
I’m enjoying the unexpected silent of the usually vibrant city.
The shadow came back...
Until tomorrow, light.
Work at the sun
Walk in the forest
Diner : Home pizzas
It’s been a few days since I’ve written anything. It seemed easier the ﬁrst week. The days seem to be melting into each other lately. I started working on my portfolio and cover letter for my Masters. I enjoy it less than working on my personal project as I ﬁnd it stressful. The stress is overwhelming and it keeps me awake at night. Most mornings, we exercise in the garden. We FaceTimed Vera so she could follow the workout routine with us. As usual, we ate really well. We have decided to make a cookbook of all the recipes we have used. As the conﬁnement continues, it’s becoming apparent that it’s not easy to live in a community. We all have to deal with each other's moods. Sometimes it’s hard to pretend like everything is ﬁne when someone is getting on your nerves. We all have to make an effort in order for everything to run smoothly, especially since we’re probably here for another 4 weeks. I just had my grandfather’s wife on the phone (she’s like a grandmother to me). I was telling her about my current living situation in conﬁnement. She then told me a story about her, my grandfather and my real grandmother when they were younger. They were comedians and lived May 1968 ferociously. They decided to create a 10 people community in my grandmother’s ﬂat in paris (just like there are 10 of us here). She told me about the constant noise and chaos at the ﬂat, and although it was a fascinating way to live, it quickly became unbearable.
Days are passing so fast, i’ts been soon two weeks that we’re staying at home. Some days are easier than others. These last two days I just tried to work for the master but I can’t be as productive as I want. At least, I’m doing things. Today I woke up really anxious because I’m thinking of too many things... When this confinement is going to end ? How will we manage to finish our projects in time for the DNA ? Am I going to succeed ? These questions are stucked in my head and I can’t get them out. I just need a chill pill to breath and positivize about this situation. It doesn’t help to be stressed or anxious all the time but I can’t help myself. Being in the same room, during so many hours in front of nothing except my computer is exhausting. I realized that sometimes mental tiredness is worse than physical tiredness.
Nothing special today it was similar of yesterday. The night we just went to the supermarket we were wearing masks. The atmosphere was very weird. People were like robots. It was little bit scary to see people, the city without life, without smiles. It makes things even more sad. It’s a kind of day that you want it finished as soon as possible.
Appointment with Denis Coueignoux, final check for porfolio.
Rose 8:30 am
Pre-recorded Hyper Seminar Course
Art History Course
Memorandum of Intent
Telephone appointment with Stéphane Lemercier
I took a Valium
I slept at 9:33
Lunch : vegetables
Documentaries on Arte
Dinner : Soup
Star Wars 6
My Netflix payment was refused because my credit card expired. And the new one is of course in my postbox in Saint Etienne. The Universe forces me to concentrate on works. Great.
7:30am, the alarm rang. Very difficult to get up ! There is still the smell of burned. 9Am, code lesson, we are still on Unity. I felt bored, frustrated because I had a plan. And didn’t worked ! So just ignored it, and worked on something else. But we are publishing RétroAction n°8 today, finally ! Chickpeas with tomato sauce. Loooooved the cheese. Yes its hard to admit, but I’m a lactose intolerant who desperately loves cheese. Anyway, after that, I had a little rest, the neighbour’s baby cried. I worked again, updated diaries. I worked on code, I think it worked ! Then linux crashed. I did the dishes to think. I ate cheese, again. Then looked at the window : two cats, one black and the other white, are searching for some food, I guess. Cut my fringe alone, wasn’t a disaster. Had a little « gourmet » dish : pastas, green peas and shrimps. We watched devs. I am too tired, I’m falling alseep quickly
6:55, he woke up from my nightmare. I was having a panic attack in my dream. I was in half sleep ; couldn’t speak because I’m not a morning person. 9:15, have to get up from bed to get prepared. He is still asleep, so I’m having a breakfast alone. It is quiet and nice. Had eggs, toasts, vitamin cocktail and hot coffee. The hot ghosts are elevating in the air. Listened to XTC. 10:30am reunion. Chickpea and tomato sauce. I did a code tutorial, and had a nice chat. 5Pm I am waiting for a call, did I mislead the hour ? 5:30pm, I had that call. I continue code tutorial till 10pm. I am frustrated not to be able to do it alone ! But I am happy to see some results. Ate chicken and quenelles.
Appointments with teachers
Lunch : Rice and vegetables
Walk with dogs
Dinner : Pastas
Movie : Camping 3
Rose 8:30 am
Avant-garde music and trap A$ap Rocky "Fukk Sleep
Ride with my father
Rendez-vous with Pierre-Olivier Arnaud
Lost again at chess
Lying down 23h33
Appointment with Denis Coueignoux again, and with Michel Lepetididier. Talk about a project for Credit Agricole I'm doing with Valentin.
I’m not feeling very good. My parents, especially my mother are really stressed and I’m trying to reassure them but it doesn’t always work. Today, I’m going to work on my projects and try to positivize as usual. I always start the day by listening to music and strolling on social media, it puts me in a good mood.
This morning we did session of sport at 10am. After that we took a brunch, with eggs bacons avocado toast, yogurt granola and fresh fruits. On the afternoon i continu to sewing prototypes for the wearing of running equipment. And at 7pm we have aperos in cam with my parents it was the idea of my mom!!! Thats was very a good moment to share. After we just have dinner and some stretchings.
Finish the game Outer Wilds, watch a documentary about it and the construction of its game design.
I’m getting better
Digital photo stockage
Salad, compote, spinach
A Valium, a beer
Lying down 22h38
Work in the garden
Dinner : Quenelles
Beers in the garden
Movie : Blade
8:15am, I don’t want to sleep anymore. Watched my phone. Had coffee, no breakfast with daylight for this morning. We stayed in the bed and watched GLOW. Had a bath, and went to groceries. It’s so nice to be out. I discovered smelles again, of hot bread, meals that are on the fire.. There is a big queue in front of the store, going after the next angle street. But while waiting, I listened to music, so it was kind of quicker than expected. I had a cheese discussion with my sister. I worked on code,
it was frustrating, but did some changes anyway. I did some paintings, mostly abstract forms. Tried paged.js for the journal.
Ate chicken and quenelles. We watched Ozark.
I woke up later than usual today. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do. Work a little, read, listen to music, have a nap. Days are almost all similar, I really can’t wait to go out and see my friends, I miss going to exhibitions, hanging around in Paris, and enjoying the town. I miss my life outside but I also begin to appreciate my life at home even if it’s hard sometimes to stay with my parents. I try to enjoy simple things such as sharing a tea with my mum, getting lost in my thoughts, breathing, taking care of myself even if I’m staying at home.
This morning i work again on prototypes for the wearing of running equipment. After i cooked a brownies for the afternoon snack. After the lunch we watched Jaws. We taste the brownies it was vey nice. We rade after come back until 7pm. We did some stretching, and visualisation during 30/40 minutes. We cooked the dinner croque monsieur with chickens zucchinis and roquefort.
DNSEP reading "wood, metal, plaster, gesture"
Bags of rubble
Detach ivy from wall
Hello my love
Lunch : Lentils and vegetables
Dinner and drinks with some friends
The hour change made me sleep more, till 10:30 I played video games, had coffee, took a bath. I cooked lasagnas, yummy. Had a litte rest, because too much lasagnas… Painted again. Tried not to do too much noise, he’s recording in the same room. I worked on DNA text, made collages.I had a snack, miel pops and tea. I continued to work. 17:17 or 19:17 ? my computer is more lost than me. Lasagnas again, yummy ! Played video games.
I was in a positive mood today, especially because we had english class. It’s really motivating to start monday with it because it reminds us that we’re not in holidays. It’s really weird because days are passing so fast. I mean, I just woke up then I went virtually to the english class, did some sport and called a friend and it was 8 pm. She helped me for my interview on thursday, the 2rd of april. I’m really stressed, but in a good way. I really hope it will be fine because I’m not very comfortable with visioconference. I just have to take a deep breath and it will be ok, it has to be.
Big coffee at 8:18 am
South Park Season 9 episode 1
Mylar aluminium test
Bedtime 10:30 pm
Documentary « Super size me » : very great !
Star Wars 1
Beginning of the disease, I stay in bed most of the day.
This morning, I made some elastic for hair with old cloth. I did some washing clothes and also hanging the laundry. This morning was faster than the others !!! From 2pm to 4pm I have english lesson. Then, I continued sewing my sport equipment. After his formation, we went to Carnot square to make some photographies of equipment accessories. We had dinner and after we just played to some quizz.
Had trouble to get up, I am so soft ! I had eggs and bacon, with coffee of course. Alone again, he is still sleeping. It is so nice with the sun ! I had a warm shower. Had trouble to breathe after this. It is colder outside, today. My feets are cold, so I put some warm socks. Painted four other abstract forms, the transform them into svg. Made a little poster with all these paintings. I worked on my DNA test, ate lasagnas. I had a little « existential crisis of designer » : « who am I, as a designer ? » ; « what is a graphic designer, really ? » ; « I don’t know. », and the definition in the dictionary are making me more nervous. Tried to put all of it more funnier with memes. Anyway, I ate all the tomme de savoie, oops. I played video gamed. We watched Ozark till 1am. Too much suspens.
It's a pretty sad day today. I called my nanny and she told me a little bit about what's going on there... In east of France, where the virus is stronger. It's very difficult for her because she can't go out anymore and she respects, but she used to. Always walking around, going to see her brothers and sisters. And then, overnight, she couldn't anymore... She feels alone, and it's a little sad... So she calls all the people she cares about, for not end up being bored during the day.
Today was my mother’s birthday, she was really sad because she could not see her sister to celebrate it. She really wanted to go the restaurant with all my family but I promised her that we’ll do this when the restaurants will be open again.
Orange juice glasses at 9:07 a.m.
Asleep at 12:19 a.m.
I am really scared if I catched coronavirus. I feel not very well since this early morning and my doctor said that there is just a rare possibility, but anyway I am afraid. And I am sick. And I am afraid..
I thought back all night about what my nanny told me... It makes me sad... And on top of that, she is far away... when all this is over I couldn't even go see her because I surely would have a lot of work with the diploma which is approaching very quickly... I watched a Turkish film (Netflix) "7.Kogustaki Mucize". A very hard, and very sad film, telling the story of a father with a mental handicap who is separated from his daughter because he had to prove his innoncence when he is arrested for the murder of a child...
Difficulty breathing, I call the SAMU and a doctor tells me to call every day to see the evolution of the problem.
Today it wasn’t a good day, out of energy, I felt very tired. On the morning i just did an elastic for hair for the night when i go running with reflective tape. At the begging of the afternoon i create some gif photo we took yesterday night. We have sport, Cebastien anime a session of sport in live with GoSport, today it was only for lower bottom. After that there are an accumulations of bad news. So we decided to have dinner watchthe movie 7 Kogustaki Mucize and to switch of internet connection and take times together. This period is sometimes very difficult to be far of our family.
Star Wars 2
Walk/go for a run
Cooking : Pie chocolate and walnuts, mash of potatoes and carrots, leeks and mushrooms
9:30am, woke up late, this hour change has maybe changed my sleep-cycle. I am lazy and soft this morning. Had coffee and miel pops, took a bath, worked alittle on my notebook, organised stuff. The time goes fast. 1pm, we ate. I am almost late for the 2pm lesson. Surveillance, digital commons. Had a snack. 5am : another appointment. I am looking at the opposite building. It is sunny and people are looking what’s going on in the street, or turning around in their balcony. They are lucky to have one.
I called a friend today, she helped me to prepare my interview for the master that I want which will take place tomorrown at 11 am. I’m really stressed because it’s the first time that I’m going to do an interview through my computer screen. She also sent me a drawing with some comforting words, I really love it.
Today is an another day, the sun is shining as we said. I work during the morning, at around 11am i marinated the tofu with sauja sauce during one hour.
After lunch, I had history of art lesson. At 4pm I went for a walk to get some sun on my skin. I came back to do my sport session.
I cooked some bread with nuts and made some apples auce with cinnamon.
I see an episode of The Handmade’s Tale.
And the day was already finish.
Having trouble breathing, I go for a walk to get some fresh air but I'm running out of breath fast
Pie with oignons
Short cat's breath at 9:08 a.m. It didn't eat this morning.
Deepening of personal work
Photo of an inlaid pig's head
Pipe at 4:38pm
Asleep at 11:34 pm
I am not feeling well. I am lost in my thoughts, it paralyses me. I read a little then realised that I wanted a day-off screens. I’ve received my harddrive, finally ! Had three appointments, so it was a busy day, and occupied my head. I read answers from the questionnaire with Elena. I debugged my code. Glasses of wine, games. Chicken and homemade mashed potatoes, yummy. This is kind of very fortifying. We watched Ozark.
I still draw wolly toys, in order to sew them, after confinement, I would go to Mondial Tissus to buy the fabrics of the colors of my choice. In the meantime, I'm planning to do one during the week i order to see sewing problems. Tonight I watched "The Plateform" (film on Netflix) : it's a kind of prison, where the prisoners are 2 per cells, and are one below the others. Every day, an elevator full of food goes down, for a few minutes to each floor. So the first served, eats. Very well whil those on the zoo floor have nothing left to eat. Every month, the prisoners wake up on a new floor. I won't tell the rest... It's a fairly hard film, but very interesting.
D-DAY. I passed my interview. It was weird but I did my best and I think that I managed to answer correctly to all the jury’s questions. I really hope they will select me to integrate the master. I watched the movie « Precious » on netflix, took a long nap during the afternoon and I went outside for one hour to do some sport, it felt good.
Studying operating systems for the college, watched "News From Home" in really bad quality on dalymotion.
We all have to make efforts everyday in order for everything to go smoothly. It is sometimes quite hard, and sometime easier.
It is proved that It wasn’t corona, I’m safe and sound. I was little bit dramatic these two days but it is totally comprehensible, I think. I opened a small home café and made some vanilla black tea for everyone. Everyone loved, evidently. I am developing my talent and passion about cooking these days. My projects are going well, I think. I feel just bad for my other projects in school, who deserve more attention.
Breakfast at 9:05 a.m.
Administrative paperwork 9:32 a.m.
Aluminium and frame
Photo 11:28 am
In bed at 00:13 a.m.
Big storage in the house
Dinner : Home burgers
I am not sleeping very well. I wanted a day off, off screens, off work. But I had code lesson this morning. It was more an installing softwares/packages lesson than a code lesson, really. I made chickpeas with chicken. I went to groceries, nothing thrilling happened this time. Except maybe that they asked us to wash our hand before going in the store. I felt kind of observed, especially when I went toward the clothes department. I bought a hair color, very natural with clay. I am surprised. I went back home with two big bags and fifteen minutes from home. My back and shoulders hurts. I did the hair color. Had a bath and a little rest. Continue my selections in the new harddrive. Had pastas, cream, garlic and lardons. Ozark is finished, what an end !
My brother came back home. I’m really happy to see him again, in good health. My mother cooked us a delicious homemade pizza. We talked a lot about these last three weeks, the day passed so fast again.
It’s already 11:06 pm.
I'm much better, just a cough, I'm getting back into sports.
No soreness at 9:00 a.m.
Desire for CBD
Orange juice, croissant, coffee
Film and music
Writing exercise on Francesco Finizio
In bed by 11:00 p.m.
This morning, I woke up with the desire to make some oat bread, because I miss the one of yesterday. So, I called my grand-father who is the best to do bread to ask him some tips !!! After, nothing different from the other mornings. On the end of the afternoon, we did session of sport in live on Facebook with GoSport. Just after, we also did some yoga with acrobatics positions !! We had dinner and watched the first episode of the new season of "La casa del papel". We also tried to organise for the organisation of the week-end : what we want to do, to cook, news ideas of activities...
I wanted to get up early, since I haven’t really worked yesterday. My back hurts. My boyfriend is also depressed, so I’m trying to cheer him up. Had a hot shower. Had noodles for breakfast. Continued my hard drive selection. My eyes are very heavy. I am working on the podcast. Cutting, listening to. It is kind of relaxing to edit sound. I worked on the podcast with Elena and Laura. Then I had an apero with Elena and Anna. We had fun ! We played skribbl, like a pictonary online. It really cheered me up. I’ve made chili con carne, delicious ! I’m making progress. I don’t want to watch anything this evening, just relax.
We moved all of our work table to the window side, to create more-workable-ambiance. I think it works. We have now three students who need to get their degree, and we work with passion. Wow ! And I cut my hair today. Not much but enough to be noticed. Since I am in France, I cut my own hair. It fails sometimes but this time, it is perfect. I feel my hair grows so fast these days, probably my body have nothing to do else, I think.
Lunch : Pastas with leeks and cococream
Work in the garden
Drinks with family on video
Movie : "Le voyage de Chihiro"
Work is stressful, deadlines are here and I keep on being distracted by all the activities we can do here, mostly helping out in the house, and gardening. But when I get to work, I ﬁnd a quiet space and manage to be focused and get some done easily.
I saw two movies this morning, « Jaws » from the director Steven Spielberg and « News from home » by Chantal Akerman. I wrote a few lines about them to explain how I’ve understood these movies, we can particularly compare « Jaws » to our current situation with the covid-19. I also went outside to do some sport with my brother, I’m making jump rope to relax. However, days are still very similar, it feels like we’re all stucked in the same dream and we can’t go out.
I slowed down my cigarettes consommation. I manage to smoke one cigarette a day, around 7pm with a glass of wine or a beer.
I woke-up early to prepare the breakfast, I think this is the moment of the day I prefer. This is the beginning of a new day, new things to do. After breakfast, I began to work a few about writing at 10am we had sport session online with 70 other people. It’s very motivating !!! After sport, we cooked sweet roast potatoes with broccolis. I went for a little walk to buy some fruits and other products that we need. Again, this time I felt blinded by the light as in the movie when we see a prisoner who get out of prison. I read my book on iBook, that I also finished at the end of the day. We ate shrimp with coconut milk pasta and asparagus in front of "La casa del papel", and that’s it for today.
I am thinking about my mother. Where is she right now ? Is she safe ? I dreamed about her. It is rare, but I remember it all day when it happens. I am sad about it, she was angry this time, having a crisis. 11:30am, appointment video. Made mix sound till 6pm. Went outside, just for a walk. There were no more bread at the bakery shop. It was strange to go outside not alone. We had weird looks.
Dinner : Pizzas
I'm having a e-party with my friends from Toulouse on Skype, we're playing werewolf on wolfy.fr and drink beers.
I don’t have much energy these days, it’s hard to focus on work. I just want to see my family, have a drink with my friends and enjoy the sun on my skin.
I just woke-up and saw the beautiful weather so it made me in a good mood ! So I took my sunglasses and I read under the sun on my chair in front of my window. After lunch, I work a few on writing things about DNA and then we went for a walked not very far. We came back and we did some yoga stretching, my body and my mind feel really better. We made some oraganisation in the apartment and built our hut in the living room. We cooked waffles for the dinner and watched the two last episodes of "La casa del papel" under the hut with waffles of course.
Lying down 00H
Today is the birthday of one of our friends in common, who lives in Geneve, so we prepared an online birthday party
for her together. We made party hats and sang the birthday song on skype. We even put our nicest clothes and did a little make up.
And the evening we ordered some new clothes online, like it is the only way to stay salves of the capitalism.
We talked so much about the impact of humanity on the planet and decided to not to consume unless it is really necessary.
But in this locked up time, this little purchases gave us a total refreshment. Guilty pleasure !
It would be the last time.
Lunch : Spinachs, salad and eggs
Dinner : Gratin with pastas
Star Wars 3
Woke up early, then fell asleep again. The phone rand, it scared us. Had a coffee and omelette. Computer time, shopping a little, oops. He cut my hair I’m feeling fresh ! Had a bath, really hot one. Ate chili. Schedule time, for next week. Our podcast is delayed to next week. Tried to make a plan for the DNA. Stayed in bed, computer time. The sun is trying to tell me « stoooop computer ! », I can’t see what’s going on my screen. But I want to play ! So I replied « byyye sun ». But the sun is clever, few minuter later, on the little place left of light, it was there ! It's Hiding my screen again ! Homemade chicken wings, we had fun. We played videogames, and watched « We steal secrets ».
Such a stressful day, I was upset for no reason and for the first time since a few days the sky was cloudy, so was my mind. I tried to do some sport and watch a documentary about Ai Wei Wei but it was hard to focus. However, the day passed really fast as usual and I’m still hoping that tomorrow I’ll wake up and we’ll be all able to go out. If only !
Nothing today, i was just very tired, the only thing i did is just sport.
Classic day schedule, studiying college in the morning and school the afternoon, playing with friend at night.
Letter to the Public Prosecutor
Delivery of CBD
Beer at the bench of the three crosses
Lying down 00:16 a.m.
Dinner : Rice and vegetables
Documentary on Arte : « Ma vie avec 16 dindons sauvages »
Had chick wings for breakfast. Read a little, the manning-lamo chatlogs.
Very interesting ! Decided to do and book with it. Press ENTER, end of line. Press ENTER, end of line,
till the end of the conversation. Had a lunch break, still chicken wings. Continued to work, I am stressed.
Printed it the wrong way, so I decided to work on something else.
Gnocchi mozzarella and ham.
We watched « Risk ».
I saw the movie Whiplash and I really loved it. The way the lead character, Andrew Neiman managed to become a great drummer even after being morally and physically harassed by his teacher, Terence Fletcher. Who throws a chair at a student just because he got the wrong tempo ? Anyway, this movie is really powerful and it’s impressive to see how this boy has achieved his dream after many years of hard work. However, do we have to destroy our mental health to succeed ?
This morning I woke up early to work, I began a new book « courir » by Jean Echenoz. I used to read at around 10:50 because that’s when the sun comes in the room. After lunch we both work in our personal projects, I also continued my book. Then we had sport we try to do a challenge each day to challenge ourselves.
Starting another pdf again. It's about the final evaluation.
Lying down 00:09 a.m.
Some friends outside
Diner : Eggplants
I had a bad night. My phon had an automatic update at 2am. The light was very strong ! So I tried to hide it very quickly, so that I don’t wake him up. Backaches, stomachaches, more ovaries aches. Had a coffee, there was many noise outide, like working construction. Fresh air coming ! I had a bath, coffee again. I’m going to groceries. There is big queue. I phones my family dad and my grandmas. Had news from my sister too. I worked on DNA presentation. Tried to present it in a video, kind of hard ! There was a ping-pong session at 6pm. I want to continue my work, so that it’s finished once and for all, but my eyes are too tired. We are mashed potatoes, sausages. We watched « citizen four » but didn’t finished because Snowden is kind of very arrogant. I don’t know what’s the worse actually. Snowden is very respectful towards women, but is seems very show-off. And Assange despises women (except his mother, how original) and he’s an orator clearly.
I feel empty and stressed because I’m waiting for some answers that are coming in the next few days. Days are weird, and the future is very uncertain. I’m trying to relax by listening to music, especially to Arctic Monkeys, their songs make me nostalgic and calm.
Since 4 or 5 days, it's a sunny day. And it's getting warmer every day. So it's super cool and the days are longer. We are lucky we have a big garden and live in the countryside, so we enjoy the sun every day. I work every day outside. Today, we are maybe going to ride our horses, if we have the time ! Because we have to dress up our donkey in Rhino. That seems strange, I know, the reason why is... tatata ! suspens! Ok but for real my dad is a vet but he is also a singer ! So every sunday at 8pm he does a concert in live Facebook. I think it's a good idea, with this hard time. It's good sometimes to hear music. My sister is singing with him. I don't sing I'm too bad. But I dance with my sister or we make the animations. Anyway, so today he's going to sing four songs about animals. And on is talking about a Rhino. So we would like to dress our donkey in Rhino, and bring it in the house during the live. My donkey is going everywhere, but it's a donkey. So when he doesn't want to go somewhere, he doesn't go. We will see if he wants to go.
Went to the parc for reading but did'nt read a single word, just chilling in the grass.
Rise 9:30 a.m.
Beer at the bench of the three crosses
Yann's meeting at the Spar
Manhole covers directory
Bedtime 10:30 pm
I'm working like a robot. I wake up in the morning, take a shower, take breakfast, sit, watching the screen, click, click, click, eat again, sit, click, click, click, eat, click, click, click, and wash my face and sleep.
This is my routine. It was not the best idea to develop all my projects digitally, but at the same time I don’t have many options because all I have is my computer here.
As it is almost my bilan, I am stressed out and I lost my work-life balance. I work every day, every hour. Besides, I am not confident of myself at all.
To brighten up this dull moment, we started to observe the delivery men every morning at the window. We have a parcel to receive, and we don’t know when it will be arrived.
This is refreshing.
Graff in the village
Dinner : Home fries with peppers
Documentary about Saint-Etienne long time ago
We lost the dog !!! He ran out of the house but we only understood it three hours later, after dinner. We all went out in the village, with bikes or by foot and looked for Nelson (a cute little bulldog). Eva and I were walking down the streets whistling to call the dog, when a neighbor came out at the window to see what was happening. I went to the woman and asked her if be any chance she had seen a dog wandering the streets. She said a friend of her found a dog earlier and showed us a photo: It was him! She then called her friend, whom told her that had give the dog to the maire. We then tried to contact the maire, at ﬁrst wasn’t responding and then told us that he had took the dog to a Chenil near the village. It was already 11 pm, we had to wait until the next morning to go and get him. When he ﬁnally was brought home he seemed petriﬁed.
Weird night. I was woke up by the light. Coffee forced myself to have a breakfast. Had a shower, went to check on the letterbox, nothing. Did nothing thrilling today. Watched Westworld and Zero Zero Zero.
Why does it always feel like I’m never enough ? One day, it feels like my work is paying off and the next day I take ten steps back... Oh, can we go back to the good old days ? Can I be fully happy ? I want to be this carefree children again, watch some cartoons in the morning before going to school. My only problem was chosing which game I’m going to play with my friends. When we were just childs, we wanted to be adults and now we want to run away from our adult responsabilities and become kids again.
I worked on my video for the DNA. I had code lesson, frustration again, to have little errors, stupid ones. Maybe I wasn’t very awake. We watched Zero Zero Zero.
Lunch : Omelette with zucchinis and houmous
Walk outside/go for a run
Dinner : Pastas
Movie : "The wizard of Oz" (1939)
Rise 8:30 a.m.
Lying down 10pm
Continue the web development, not a lot of fun but it makes me progress. A site for a student at school and an e-commerce site for a friend of a friend.
I don’t have many things to say except that days are still similar, I’m still trying to work but I’m not very productive but at least I’m trying. I just want to relax and have the “PMA” (positive mental attitude) but it’s not that easy. I looked at my old pictures on my phone and I felt very nostalgic because I did so many things at the same period last year. And now, days are empty.
I did nothing in particular today. It is kind of great. Went to groceries, had a little tension with the man from behind in the queue, while waiting to come into the store. We are not going back to school till maybe september. I am very angry. And feeling vunlerable, maybe discredited. I hate being misunderstood. Tonight we’re going to have a apero with Elena and Anna. We did some stupid tests. It was very cheeful. Watched Zero Zero Zero.
Lying down 9:30 a.m.
Raised 11:16 a.m.
Casa de Papel
In bed by 10:30 pm
Beers on the riverside
Dinner : Vegetarians steaks
Movie : Prisoners
Today I drew a lot, I’m trying to build my mental playground.
My mom bought me a chocolate egg for Easter, pick it up at Jeff de Bruge's store.
Went for a run
Dinner : Rice
Movie : Les 3 frères
Raise 8:30 a.m.
Bruce Nauman works
Lying down 00:12 a.m.
I haven’t written since a long time. It was a hot night, the temperature had changed. I am not very well. This wasn’t a cool day, but I worked. My boyfriend is considering adopting a cat, to do a great gesture for the SPA. Watched the end of Zero Zero Zero.
I have nothing new to say, days are similar. Tomorrow is going to be the same, and the days after too.
Time is getting long, watching Myazaki movie, difficulty working or doing anything else.
Had trouble to get up. My eyes are like glued. Had a fresh glass of orange juice. Returned to bed. Had a coffee. Called some friend to discussion about school, and took some news. Had a bath. Watched Alien, but just a part. Tried to read out loud some books for the radio. I hate my voice. Had rice and meatballs, salad. Had a meeting about the radio. Funny when I want to relax, all of a sudden many unforseen events coming ! But it is not a negative thought, I love unforseen events when nothing is planned. I spoke with Anna and read Chloe’s diary. Hers is funnier than mine ! Worked on sound. Worked again. I think I have a boring voice. Hesitate not to send this.
Raise 11:42 a.m.
lying down 00:32 a.m.
Now we have a psycho in the house. But it is not that bad. Being four in the house is a big merit because when one gets crazy the others can take her down easily. Not arrived yet, but not bad to be prepared. (Just kidding.)
I don't remember
I went outside, the sun was shinning, it felt like summer. But a strange summer. Nobody in the streets, everyone looked scared and stressed. Such a weird period... I’m still surprised each time I go out and walk in my empty town. I walked to the city hall and saw this new painting on the wall, when I walked down the stairs to the lake. I remembered last year, in june, I was here to look the firework with two friends (which is organized every year in Créteil to celebrate summer). I don’t think the city will be able to do it this year, because of the covid. For the first time summer won’t feel the same as the past years.
Went back in Saint-Etienne for personal reasons
In the house of Camille and Jonas (close friends)
Dinner : Potatoes and squash
Movie : "Le château ambulant"
The quarantine going to be extended till 11th May, and the universities and the écoles supérieures going to be shut down all this semester. I don’t know what I am doing here in France. I kinda miss my family. Tomorrow is the bilan. I want to die but I do not want to be killed.
Raise 8:39 a.m.
Balance sheet file
Lying down 11:36 p.m.
I am listening to birds.
"Happy easter" ! They say on the Internet. Today isn’t a great one. I worked so I can try to continue my path, my unknown, blurred one. All dates changes every weeks. I am fed up, like the rest of the world, I guess. I am tired, like the rest of the world, I guess. I work so I can forgot about isolation, or is it really the problem ? The fact of having no goals, no future from now on, gets me lost. I am lacking of confiance these last two weeks, with ups, and downs. I ate gnocchis and carrot salad. I made banana bread for the second time. Flies that stayed on your skin is disturbing ! I made lentils with tomato sauce, reminds me of my grandma’s receipe, with sausages. We watched X-files.
Appointment with Laurent Grégori for my projects, finishing the second PDF.
Sometimes I look at my window during 5, 10, or 30 minutes while listening to music. Everyday, when the sun goes down, I look at the sky and it comforts me, when I spent a bad day. The colors are beautiful, it’s really relaxing. Yesterday, I saw the movie “moments of play” by Jorgen Leth. I really loved it because it shows us the beauty of simple games that children (but also adults) create to play together all around the world. It’s a documentary in several chapters (playing to explore/to examine reality, to practice our body, to explore the nature, to prepare for life, to practice becoming an adult, to create/to construct, to challenge/to compete, to make time pass, to repeat/to be part of a tradition, to be in an another world/to dream, to be someone else. It’s really beautiful to see how children can be creative in their way of imagining games from recovery materials such as some pieces of wood, cardboard, some stones, etc. It makes me think of our situation because we learn to appreciate really simple things again. Personally, I often dive into my childhood memories during these times and I feel really nostalgic.
I called the SPA. They were full of calls. The woman was stressed, but apologized for being cold and quick to hang out. I am sad. I expect too much and I carry too much. I put too much hope in it. Maybe it is selfish. I nearly remember what I did today. I worked till 5pm. 6pm lesson, ping-pong. 7:30pm, discord reunion with the class. We are writing an open letter. Ate mussels, no one appluased this evening. Watched X-files.
Rise 9:31 a.m.
Sending the balance sheet file
Lying down 10:43 p.m.
I thought I totally failed this year, but actually it was not that bad. Of course, I ruined my presentation as always,
(this time it was worse, it is proved that the presentation of artworks on video camera is not the best way to do.) but the feedbacks were really positive.
I feel relieved. I think this is why I am still in art. I am a very shy person, who doesn’t like at all to reveal herself, and I doubt myself, A LOT.
But every time people understand what I am doing, and appreciate my universe, it is like a magic.
I’m being sentimental.
Anyway, I am really motivated.
Lunch : Noodles with vegetables
Friends in the little garden
Drawing – Dinner : Pastas and blettes
Emission : C'est du propre
I am lazy this morning. I decided to cook a risotto ! I had an unexpected call while cooking it so my boyfriend finished it. I’ve had some good news ! I ate pastas with pesto and parmesan, the risotto wasn’t ready for lunch. I called my father. I worked, tried to do something, I am stuck. I talked to Anna, I felt bettet. Tried to do sport, what a fail. Did voices mix, and web radio. We laughed. Chicken and risotto. Watched X-files.
Went for a jog in the morning, difficulty in keeping a healthy lifestyle.
Evening for two
2l. white and red beers
Lying down 00:12 a.m.
Drawing – Lunch : Houmous of lentils and salad
Make a cake
Walk outside, see a friend
Dinner : Spring rolls
Dinner : Pastas with home falafel
Harry Potter 2
I am trying to remember what I did. I volonteered to adopt a cat. Then I went to groceries. I made masks, handmade sewing ! The first one was a bit ugly, but the second one rocks ! But it was a bit short for mister, so this one will do for my sister. We watched « what we do in the shadows ». It was a good day off.
Got up at 11:32 a.m.
South Park season 16
Asleep at 11:04 p.m
I woke up earlier than him. The sun is on my face. I am not a morning person, but it was very nice. Hot coffee and 80’s playlist. I went to see if mister is awake. It is the case. I washed and dressed. Worked on RétroAction till 4pm. I had a snack, bread and chicken juice. Yes, junk food. One hour later, I began to regret it. But it was so tasty… We tried Uncharted 4, it is free on playstation store. We ate spinach salad and pastas. We tried tv shows that are supposed to be funny, more british tv show ("Peepshow" or "You’re the worst"), but it was very sexist ! We end up watching « what we do in the shadows » season 1. Oh and i had an appointment with Elena, tried Animal Crossing on my phone, kind of became addict. It is very comfy.
Raised at 10:32 a.m.
South Park season 17
Lying down 8:12 pm
Appointment with Denis Coueignoux and Michel Lepetididier for the Credit Agricole's project with Valentin.
I discovered a great artist named Laleh Khorramian on Art 21, she’s making epic animations by using collages and monotypes. Her universe is really fascinating and mesmerizing. She’s also iranian and I identify myself to her because she immigrated with her parents to the united states at the age of two. My parents immigrated to France when I was only one year old, sometimes I miss a country that I haven’t really discovered yet. However, I realize that there’s a part of my parent’s history that I don’t know. They never told me about their childhood in Tehran, how they met, etc. I’m not very close to my parents, and I know that I have to ask them about their story to understand them, to learn about the hidden face of the iceberg.
Raised 10:04 a.m.
Documentary on Stanley Kubrick
Lying down : 10:43 p.m.
6am. I woke up anxious. My allergies again. My nose is full so i can’t breathe properly. I woke him, oops, too bad. I feel bad actually. 10am, I woke up suddenly, remembered that I have a reunion with Anna « in the morning ». I check up my messages, it is for 11 am, so great I have little time. We had a very productive hour. It is satisfying, and cheered me up. Ate Courgette and rice. I played to Animal Crossing, and then worked. Watched "News from home" and "Jaws". A little girl that stated often with me few years ago called me. It is the daughter of my father’s friend. She wanted to talk and keep contact. I called my father last tuesday and she wanted to speak to me, but my father likes to talk with the speakers so she became shy. I am happy that she called. Funny, because teenagers today only use instagram or snapchat to talk with other people. Texts are too has-been, I guess.
I’m writing with the typeface of Ryan Gander based on a collection of stones found on the beach by his children. I used to collect stones on the beach and seashells when I went on vacation with my family but they’re probably lost somewhere now. I’m going around in circles in my apartment, I can’t bear staying at home anymore, living the same days over and over again, it’s exhausting. If it’s true, we’ll be able to go out on may 11th. I’m wondering what I’m going to do first knowing that all the establishments will not reopen until june or july. I will certainly hang around with a friend, talk about positive things and enjoy the sun in a park. I miss spending time with my friends and family without being constantly anxious. I miss my apartment in Saint-Etienne, going to school, have a drink, living a perfectly ordinary life.
Raised 11:32 a.m.
Legs of lamb
Paterson and Jaws
Lying down 11:33 p.m
I did nothing really interesting today. But it is very nice. At least, I enjoy a real sunday. It is rainy, and humid. Watched what we do in the shadows, played animal crossing. I influenced my sister to play too ! So that we can me reunited again, virtually speaking. My father called me. I took a bath. I cut my fringe again, but this time it is a disaster ! I feel bad about it. I look like « a student in art school » like my boyfriend told me. I watched movies for the english class. I forgot that I planned a meeting with Elena and Anna, I thought it was for tonight actually. But we talked a little anyway.
It’s the beginning of a new week and I’m already tired just thinking about it. Fortunately, today we’re going to meet for a conference by Ashley Helvey who is an artistic director that works with designers and artists in fashion/object/interior/film design. I’m glad to start the week with something motivating. Sometimes I have so much thoughts in my mind and I can’t organize them to put them on paper. I should probably draw them.
It is my father’s birthday today. I was awaken by a clock. I was dreaming of my mother. I had trouble to get up. Played to animal Crossing. Had 3 or 4 coffees. Did the laundry, tidy up a little. I organised my new notebook ! The paper is already detacthed, i hate it. I forgot that I had a meeting this morning. I will try to work after, or rest a little before the 3pm lesson. I’m beginnig to be stressed about tommorrow’s exam. I don’t know what to expect.
I have nothing new to say.
I hesitated to go to groceries today, after the "exam". I thought I was a bit boring, even if I prepared a little before the exam. I was stressed about ths, even if I knew the juries. He finally went to groceries. I helped him anyway on halfway to home. It was strange to go out. I wear a mask this time, weird looks. At the store, nearly no one wore masks.
I did nothing in particular this morning : played and cooked, it was comforting. The plate was delicious, and I was tidy, this time ! I began to code a project but finally argued with a close friend, so all of this was useless. I'm going back to the beginning. It is batter if I let go this project, and concentracte on the current ones. Watched "Westworld", played again. I received my notes for the degree, I am happier now. My sister called. We ate the yummy plate again. We watched IT crowd.
Today, I did some sport next to my building in a space that used to be a playground but is now a vacant lot with some benches around. I imagine what this space could become if I replace the weeds with something else, a new playground maybe ? It could become again the place where children meet after school. I’m glad I had this idea because I didn’t have inspiration these days and I couldn’t find the motivation to work neither. I miss going to exhibitions, hanging around with friends and laugh. I really miss laughing.
It was a satisfying day. I coded my first site ! Well, Elena and I, website. In a few hours, and all by myself. It is very satisfying when you don't have to ask every 2 seconds to someone stuff about code. It is simple and colorful, but I like it, so does Elena ! She is not very well, but I hope they will find out what's going on in her gut. I spoke with my sster, as usual, I miss her. We made roasted chicken with many (too many ?) garlic ! It is apparently a spanish receipe. Tonight we will watch "What we do in the shadows". I really love this show by its way to film, like a documentary. But it's only fiction about vampire doing stuff in "real" life. Very funny. It was one of those great days. Very rare.
I’m working on a new project with my brother, it makes me really happy because we’re both motivated to work together. It’s about the space that I wrote about two days ago. We’re going to write a full fictional scenario to reimagine this place that used to be a little playground. We did a brainstorming to put all of our ideas on paper. I’m sure that this new personal project can bring us closer and create bonds. He loves cinema, art in general and he also likes to write. I really admire his huge cinematographic culture, and I think that we can do a great job together. I can’t wait to work on it during the end of the confinement.
It is Elena's birtday today. I bought her earings, with green mint shells. We are going to have a cat ! I also decided to have a treat day so I bought a video game, "Alien Isolation" I had lesson this afternoon. It was very interesting but very hard to process. I was worried that the cat doesn't adapt itself, but one hour later, after being hidden under shelves (full of dust), she played! We watched Killing Eve.
We didn't sleep a lot last night. But it was fun ! We played with the cat. She seems to adapt herself to home. We finally named her Ripley, like the badass character in Alien, played by Sigourney Weaver. I went to groceries early, but there was still a queue. We had to leave our bags outside the store. I called my grand-mother, she seemed well. I miss her a lot.
I just saw the movie “freedom writers” and it really touched me. It is based on the book The Freedom Writers Diary by teacher Erin Gruwell and students who compiled their writings about their lives that they wrote in their English class at Woodrow Wilson Classical High School in Long Beach, California. This movie shows the wars that these students are living, especially because of the gangs, their family and all the dead bodies that they constantly see since their childhood. It’s so sad to see all this violence, it’s the reality of many students in the united states where guns are allowed. Even though violence is their everyday life, they found shelter in class and through their diary. It’s really beautiful.
It is nice to have an off week-end. Watching TV shows, and play video games. Playing also with the cat ! We had ramens, too!
I’m very bored these days, I think that my patience has reached its limits. I have nothing special to say.
I had a video call with my friends. I realised that I really miss them, a lot. I haven't seen some of them since last june, after their degree. Two of them are in South Korea, and the other one is in gap year. And I don't know when I will see them. We planned anyway to do something together this summer. I began my file for Aberdeen.
I continued my file for Aberdeen. Worked on another project. I saw Elena on video, we worked on the website. I am tired today, of being constently in front of screens.
He asked me : why are you always so sad ? I don’t know where to begin. I just miss everything. I miss Julien so hard that it hurts. I miss laughing by his side, I miss the way he teases me, his smile, his stupid jokes. It’s so hard to feel alone, just by my side. I feel so lost and empty right now. What if I made different choices in the past, whould I be happier today ? I don’t know, no one will know. I’m asking myself what could really makes me happy right now... It may probably be having a real moment of joy with all my family.
I was worried that the cat kept coming underneath the sink. I learned some acunpunture points for the face. I while writing this, the car is playing monkey, climbing on my back. I continued my file for Aberdeen, I was pissed while translating my notes. It takes ages ! We went to groceries, most of the people aren't wearing masks. There was a market on the square. But it was very organised, and surveilled by the police, checking all certificates, and masks. We ate fried fish (friture), this reminds me of holidays with my grand-father in south of France. We ate shirashi and rice this evening, it was comforting. He made this because he knows I love it. I played video games.
I had trouble getting up, but I felt that he left the bedroom and the cat was there. I felt her purrings. I ate cereals with nuts, and a coffee. I took a bath, she fell in water for the second time. I wrote my precedent days, I didn't feel writing these days, neither reading news. I am not very well, even if I feel relaxed, and then stressed because I am afraid not finishing all of my projects in time. I finished the translation of the credits files, while listening to 80's music, John Carpenter.
Today it's the worker's day. My sister will have a rest ! I don't particularly want to enjoy this day because I have to finish some projects. We watched Killing Eve. I've had a call with friends, we played UNO online, or "Never have I ever...", It was fun.
I had neither the desire nor the energy to write these past few days. I was thinking a lot, searching for an apartment and an internship for september, being stressed, happy, sad, surrounded by positive and negative thoughts at the same time. There’s a week left before the end of the confinement. I’m wondering how life is going to be after this, are we going to live like we did before ? I don’t think so.
I am not really well today. I played to Animal Crossing, worked a little, then rested. We watched Killing Eve and Red.
We are trying "The Last of us" it is very in the mood of the pandemic. Don't know if it's a depressing, or cool. But the game is very interesting to play. I worked a few hours. I took care of the cat, took a bath. After working, finishing some projects, I don't feel particularly want to work more. I am still not feeling well, don't know if it's period coming, or just depression. We watched "Prince of Darkness" by John Carpenter.
Still not feeling well. I feel like I have a heartbreak, but for a project. Is this weird ? I was maybe insistant, not to give up on this project, but later, it won't touche me anymore. It's not like I'm lacking of ideas.... The weather is nice today, at least, this a good news today.
I am a bit tired, still have pain on my neck. I went to groceries. I had a little chat with Niki, I was very happy of it. Little askings, brings more discussions. I bought a new game "Medievil". It is a remastered game that I played when I was little. It makes me nostalgic, and relaxed. I worked a little in the evening. He called his nephew and niece with his brother. He presented the little cat, the children were so happy to see her !
I began to feel guilty because I can't work, or I don't want to work this week. I don't feel particularly motivated, more tired and depressed than anything else. I don't know if it's the contraceptive pills, or just the situation. As the weather becomes warmer, we ate more salads, and it is kind of nice. I miss junk food, sometimes, especially when I'm stressed or sad. I played almost all day. I listened to Unloved. "Don't fight hold tight it'll be alright". We watched NOS4A2, is is initally a book written by the son of Stephen King. It's kind of creepy, but I like Zachary Quinto !
This morning, I did nothing in particular. I was on my phone, and the cat slept on my chest. I don't know why, but I cried a lot, I think I'm beginning to suffocate. We had a big nap, all threee. kind of very revitalizing after this "episode". Now, what can I do ?
I've had a very productive day, even if I'm still feeling vulnerable, easily angry, and frustrated when I have to ask for help. I finally succed the level I was stuck in the videogame I'm playing. I had to begin it again like 10 times ! We are dicussing about next week, more organisation stuff. We watched NOS4A2, till 12pm. Still creepy.
7:45 am. I don't want to sleep anymore but I'm having big allergies, so I'm feeling fragile. The little cat put a mess, we played with her in the bed. She chews a little so we have to raiser her a little, she understands fast. She succedeed to go on the radiator, which is very close to the window. I'm kind of afraid of it ! We finished NOS4A2, had a hot coffee, eggs and ham. I played to Animal Crossing, I am bored. Had a shower, removed my nailpolish, prepared some of the stuff I am bringing back to Saint-Etienne. I still feel easily angry. I can't wait to change of air... I'm feeling suffocating here. I'm working from 11am till 5pm. I actually copy on the computer all the writings since March 17th, while listening to music, as always.
There was nothing going on today, except the fact of that I can't wait to leave ! I worked with Elena, she seems fine. I played videogames, prepared my stuff for tomorrow, watched make-up tutorials.
New beginning ? Well, it's seems to be a normal day. Except that we "can" leave now, in the nice countryside. I came back to Saint-Etienne very quickly, to bring some clothes, or project I might need for the DNA. It was strange to come back in my flat.
For those who participated in a non-daily way, or in one document, you can find these in the appendix.
During the middle of March, the people were asked to stay inside and not leave their homes. The demand was to be in place for an unknown period of time. For weeks and weeks, at least. Months, maybe. Then after some time, the duration became more defined. The people that were asked to stay at their homes included you, me, and everyone we knew in this country. And this continent. People that were older and had fragile immune systems had a special status, more likely to be at risk to be infected. In order to limit the spread of infections, the people had to live by this demand, inside, at home, alone or in a small family unit. To stay inside and not leave home meant that all the activities the people would normally be doing, had to be stopped, or translated into a home-based-version. They were asked to keep themselves alive by shopping cautiously in order to cook to feed themselves, and to perform an increased hygiene regime.
They were asked to live on the computer and through screen-based interactions. They were asked to read books, old and new.
During this period,
in order to keep the mind from
the many possibilities of
the people were asked to practice PMA: Positive Mental Attitude
and to write everything down.
Welcome to web of distributed care,
This record is an account of these days, days that were strange and that did pass by,
anxiously, sleeplessly, poetically, easily, and uncomfortably;
Initially, "The Distributed web of care", project by Taeyooon Choi, is a "research initiative on communication infrastructure, exploring the Distributed Web as a peer-to-peer, alternative web which prioritizes collective agency and individual ownership of data and code. Through collaborations with artists, engineers, social scientists and community organizers, DWC imagines distributed networks as a form of interdependence and stewardship, in critical opposition to the networks that dominate the world today."
With the COVID-19 situation, we wonder about the word "care", which is multifaceted : "care" could be in the medicine field, where in France, has many financial problems, of place, and equipment, which are still ignored by the governement ; Or just how "to take care" of each other, while being confined in our homes ? How our relationships became better or worse with the confinement ? How, as individuals, can we deal with missing people and just being outside ?
Inspiration : "Tant que l'océan est un rempart" designed by Julien Bidoret.
The proposition of "Distrbuted web of care" is similar to this one : Rimbaud.ZAP
"We propose you to write a collective anti-book ; We propose you not to sign it"
Typography : Bretagne Self Modern, by Lucas Le Bihan
Designed and coded by Maëva Borg